


The 100 Words Affair (The Man From U.N.C.L.E. drabbles)

by Xparrot



Category: Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Crack, Drabble, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-05
Updated: 2009-07-14
Packaged: 2017-10-02 09:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xparrot/pseuds/Xparrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>100-word MUNCLE stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At an Affair's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Concerning Napoleon's particular expression on those occasions when Illya gets the Innocent...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the midst of penning a longer fic (mmm, h/c) I happened to converse with Gnine about Napoleon's particular expression on those occasions when Illya gets the Innocent, which lead to these 100 silly words:

"So, Illya," cooed the latest blonde, turning from Napoleon. "My place, tonight?"

"But," Napoleon balked, gaping like the universe had flipped upside-down and he was the only one who'd noticed. "Why _him_? I'll grant you the golden hair and deep blue eyes, the flawless complexion, the slender waist--but I'm better in bed! Just ask him!"

Waverly, his partner, and the girl stared at him.

"Er," Napoleon said. "I'll be. Um. Going somewhere else now."

"Not to my apartment," Illya said icily.

Napoleon turned back, head hangdog low, looking up through his lashes. "Tomorrow night?"

"...Oh, all right," Illya relented.


	2. For Science!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MUNCLE is severely lacking in crackfic...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On [MFUWSS](http://community.livejournal.com/mfuwss/211521.html), Azdak happened to remark, "I've yet to come across Aliens Made Them Do It [...] We're also mercifully short of wingfic. In fact, there isn't a great deal of crackfic all round. And I don't think I've ever seen a Five Things fic, or a High School AU."
> 
> I took this as a challenge.

The aliens blinked at them with enormous black eyes. _You must_, their telepathic voice insisted. _For Science!_

"But--I'm underage!" Napoleon protested, pulling up his plaid school-uniform pants. Not that this detail had been stopping him with Cindy the cheerleader five minutes before his abduction via tractor beam, but hopefully the Martians wouldn't notice that logical discrepancy. "And besides, have you noticed that we're both boys? Also I'm not sure he's human..."

The weird Russian exchange student in the other corner of the spaceship merely slipped on his horn-rimmed glasses, and hid his face behind his improbably fluffy golden wings.


	3. Tears We Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the [MFUWSS](http://community.livejournal.com/mfuwss/) "water" challenge.

Napoleon never thought he would see his new partner cry. In the last months, he can count the number of times he's seen Illya frown or crack a smile; greater displays are _verboten_.

But now Illya's doubled over, tears streaming down his cheeks as he wheezes, gasping for breath. Napoleon never suspected Russian fortitude could crack so completely.

Given their line of work, however, it's hard to resist. Even feeling the staring eyes upon them, Napoleon is having trouble containing himself. "Come again next week?" he suggests, and Illya nods, laughing too hard to speak, as _Doctor No_'s credits roll.


	4. Deprivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another for the [**mfuwss**](http://community.livejournal.com/mfuwss/) Water challenge, rather different in tone.

"God, Illya..."

The worst torture's not the presence of pain--a man can live in agony; but there is that without which a man cannot survive.

Dehydration kills swiftly. He's too weakened to move. Napoleon's cradling hand lifts his head off the floor. Body broken, but he never cracked. Illya tries to say so, his tongue too dry to shape words.

Stupid, those interrogators; a mute informant's worthless.

"Of course you didn't," Napoleon answers Illya's silence, puts his canteen to Illya's lips. Water rushes in. Illya drinks it down, drinks in his partner's face, his partner's faith.

Knows he's survived.


	5. Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the [Muncle drabble tree](http://community.livejournal.com/muncle/625030.html), starting word "All".

All Illya knows is that Napoleon is not dead. Even that's not knowledge, exactly; it's deeper, surer, than that. A stone, dropped, does not _know_ that gravity exists, yet it still falls. Napoleon's life is not a fact but a law, part of the nature of the universe. Illya himself is alive, so Napoleon must be.

Behind him, men scream as the tower burns. Miles ahead, he'll find a city, a payphone. He'll call UNCLE and put to rest the lies he was told, confirm the truth he already knows. Raising his face to the blinding sun, Illya starts walking.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] The 100 Words Affair (The Man From U.N.C.L.E. drabbles)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/534827) by [kalakirya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalakirya/pseuds/kalakirya)




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